Narcissistic
parents
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)
Narcissistic
personality disorder (NPD) is a mental illness that shows the persons have an
exaggerated feeling of their own importance, a strong desire for adulation, and
a lack of compassion for someone else. But beneath this confident facade is a
frail self-esteem that is sensitive to the least criticism.
Although
not all parents have a narcissistic personality disorder, it is not unusual for
a narcissistic mother or narcissistic father to exhibit narcissistic
characteristics, which may be just as harmful when raising a kid. It might be
difficult to recognize the indicators of narcissistic abuse, however, there are
numerous similar features among narcissistic family members and parents.
Narcissistic parents
A
narcissistic parent is one who has narcissism or a narcissistic personality
disorder. Narcissistic parents are typically overly connected to their children
and are threatened by their children's increasing independence. As a result, the parent develops a pattern of
narcissistic attachment, believing that the kid exists simply to meet the
parent's wants and desires. A
narcissistic parent will frequently use threats and emotional abuse to control
their children. Narcissistic parenting has a negative impact on children's
psychological development, influencing their thinking as well as their
emotional, ethical, and societal actions and attitudes. Personal boundaries are frequently ignored in
order to mold and manipulate the kid to meet the parent's expectations. Narcissistic persons have poor self-esteem and
feel the need to exert control over how others see them, thinking that if they
do not, they will be criticized or rejected, exposing their own shortcomings.
Narcissistic parents are very self-absorbed, frequently to the point of
arrogance. They are also rigid and lack the empathy required for child-rearing.
Characteristics
Sigmund
Freud's clinical research, narcissism was defined as characteristics such as
self-aggrandizement, self-esteem, vulnerability, fear of losing people's
affection and of failing, reliance on defensive mechanisms, perfectionism, and
interpersonal conflict.
Narcissists
want to control the conduct of others, particularly their children, whom they
perceive as extensions of themselves, in order to maintain their self-esteem
and safeguard their fragile true selves.
Thus, narcissistic parents may talk about
"carrying the torch," upholding the family image or making their
mother or father proud.
They
may chastise their children for showing weakness, being overly theatrical,
being greedy, or failing to meet expectations. Children of narcissists learn to
act out their roles and to flaunt their exceptional skill(s), especially in
public or in front of others.
They usually don't have many recollections of
feeling liked or respected simply for being themselves. Instead, adolescents
equate their feelings of love and gratitude with adhering to their narcissistic
parent's demands.
Destructive
narcissistic parents continuously need to be the center of attention,
exaggerate, seek accolades, and put their children down.
Here are 17 symptoms of a
narcissistic parent:
Constantly
expecting the discussion to revolve around them.
Immature
and self-centered conduct.
Others
may brag about your accomplishments, but they rarely acknowledge or support you
emotionally.
Blaming
others for whatever troubles you may have that are the result of their own
actions.
Being
loved and valued by others but being authoritarian and cruel when no one is
around.
Making
you feel guilty for not accomplishing what they want right away.
By
bragging about how much they have done for you, they make you feel guilty.
Harshly
opinionated at home, yet putting on a brave face for others.
Being
brutal and cruel in order to come out on top.
Getting
you apprehensive frequently weakens your confidence.
Being
away from important life events.
Making
you participate in sports or other activities against your will.
Failure
to offer warmth and emotional nourishment in a relationship.
Using
you for personal gain.
Being
concerned and irritated when you require time and attention.
Making
lousy reasons to spend less time together.
exhibiting
abrupt mood swings and explosive rage.
Effects
in the short and long term
Children
are especially vulnerable to the actions of narcissistic parents because of
their fragility.
A narcissistic parent will frequently misuse
the traditional parental role of guiding their children and being the key decision-maker
in their child's life, becoming too possessive and controlling. The child is
disempowered as a result of the parent's possessiveness and excessive control;
the child is merely an extension of the parent.
This
might have an impact on the child's creativity and degree of interest, and they
frequently adopt an extrinsic motivational approach. This increased amount of
control may be due to the narcissistic parent's desire to keep the youngster
dependent on them.
To guarantee compliance with the parent's
desires and their need for narcissistic supply, punishment in the form of
blame, criticism, or emotional blackmail, as well as attempts to create guilt,
may be utilized.
Effects on mental health
According
to studies, children of narcissistic parents had much greater rates of sadness
and worse self-esteem as adults than those who did not regard their cares to be
narcissistic.
This
is exacerbated by the parent's lack of empathy for their kid since the
youngster's wants are frequently rejected, their feelings are controlled, and
their general emotional well-being is neglected.
Children
with narcissistic parents are encouraged to submit and comply, which causes
them to lose touch with their individuality. As a result, the kid may have
limited recollections of feeling valued or loved by their parents just for
being themselves because they equate love and admiration with compliance.
Here are some characteristics of
adult children raised by narcissistic parents:
1.
Uncertainty
Adult
offspring of narcissistic parents are afraid of hurting others by doing what is
good for them. They have been 'taught' to prioritize their parents' needs,
making it difficult for them to prioritize their own needs without seeming
selfish. Indecision and guilt may be crippling.
2.
Emotional manipulation
Emotional
manipulation is a type of psychological manipulation in which a person or group
sow’s seeds of doubt in a specific individual, causing them to doubt their own
memory, perception, or judgment.
Growing
up with a narcissistic parent might leave an adult kid with the impression that
they have nothing to give. Their talents and skills may have been ignored,
disregarded, or co-opted as they grew up by a narcissistic parent who felt
threatened by their child's abilities. Even if the now-adult achieves success,
they may believe they don't deserve it, which can lead to imposter syndrome.
3.
Belief & Guilt for Moving On
Even
after growing up among falsehoods, emotional manipulation, and abuse, adult
children may find it difficult to distance themselves from their narcissistic parents.
They will most likely feel guilty for attempting to distance themselves or set
boundaries, and they may even fall into relationships with narcissistic people.
They are familiar with love that is based on manipulation and circumstances,
but pure love may appear frightening.
4.
Lack of concern for their own needs
The
parent's ambitions are overlooked as the parent lives vicariously via their
child. The youngster learns that his or her own objectives and desires are
unimportant. Their primary goal is to please the parent in order to remain in
their good graces. This can cause anxiety as the youngster struggles to be the
ideal child, living up to the narcissist's unreasonable expectations.
Depression can develop as a result of a kid failing to achieve his or her parent’s
expectations.
5.
Constant Self-Blame
Whether
the parent is publicly abusive to the child or not, they are typically
emotionally unavailable and too absorbed with themselves and their own problems
to hear their child's sorrow.
This
can persist throughout adulthood, during which the adult kid keeps accepting
responsibility for actions that aren't necessarily their fault. They are
frequently used as the scapegoat in disputes to maintain harmony.
6.
Echoism
Narcissists
and Echoists are comparable to one another because echoists are afraid of
becoming narcissists or of having their attention diverted. In essence,
narcissistic parents are prone to sudden fits of rage or weeping, which compels
their children to occupy as little space as possible to prevent a similar
emotional outburst (also fearing taking any attention away from the narcissist
in the process).
When
a child is trying to do everything to prevent their parent from losing it, it
might feel like they are treading on eggshells.
7.
An unsteady Attachment
Adult
offspring of narcissists are prone to develop an uneasy attachment to their parents
and never feel confident enough to be free to explore their surroundings. When
a parent is absent emotionally or is manipulative, their kid may begin to doubt
their ability to feel secure in other people's hands.
As
a result of having no one else to rely on, some individuals grow to be fiercely
independent and experience trust difficulties. On the other hand, it could
cause some people to want constant attention from their relationships out of
love.
The following are suggestions for
coping with a narcissistic parent:
1.
Acknowledge what's happening
Never
try to compete with a narcissist. You will pay a high price if you do not
submit to a narcissistic parent's demands since they thrive on having control
over their children. Being able to meet their needs is more important than
having a healthy family unit. They will only twist the situation in their
advantage if you try to reach a compromise. You must understand that this is
not typical conduct.
2.
Accept and go on
Unless
the narcissist genuinely wants to change, it is extremely hard to attempt to
alter them. Embracing their uniqueness will help you feel less anxious. Keep in
mind that the hurtful things others say and do to you are essentially
reflections of how they feel about themselves. These are individuals who are
really wounded.
3.
Ignore attempts at trying to tell
A
narcissistic parent often makes their child seem insane or deluded, which is
unfortunate. In the midst of a hurricane, a narcissistic parent will insist
that the weather is pleasant. The key to your survival is ignoring these
egotistical statements and improving your self-worth and confidence.
4.
Show Compassion
The
narcissistic parent does care about you, despite the fact that they may not
always act like it. A profoundly sensitive person hiding behind that gruff
exterior needs your attention and compassion.
5.
Make personal a top priority
It's
time to show oneself compassion after having a challenging upbringing marked
possibly by a lack of it. Congratulate yourself for surviving the harsh
parent-child connection. Learn to calm yourself, and show yourself all the
empathy your parents were unable to.
The
process of getting over such a childhood is not simple. It'll take some time.
So, practice patience and self-forgiveness. It's acceptable to prioritize your
needs. Taking some time for oneself is OK. If you don't feel like helping
others, that's acceptable too. Saying no without providing a reason is
acceptable.
6.
Rely on additional safety nets
Narcissistic
parents' offspring may frequently struggle to affirm their own offspring. The
trick is to look for other people's assistance. Utilize friends, coworkers,
social groups, and other people to build your own social network. Joining a
support group with other people who had narcissistic parents may also be
beneficial.
7.
Increase your self-worth and confidence
Despite
the insults from a narcissistic parent, it's critical to acknowledge your value
as a person. Finding activities that advance your knowledge and skills can help
you feel more confident.
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